I confess, I have been guilty of both sides. Listening is not easy, especially when you have a different perspective, opinion, or think you have a solution or alternative to what’s being said. When that happens, listening stops.
Right now, there are people who are willing to talk, and the church is not listening.
This past weekend, the New England region of my denomination held its annual convention (in Lutheranese it’s called a Synod Assembly). There, our mission-oriented bishop presented a panel of six individuals who many churches would call nones; that is, they are spiritual but not religious, and do not participate or belong to a particular faith community or church (see my blog post “What’s wrong with the nones” to learn more about this trend).
These six people, as diverse as could be, spoke bravely about their experiences in churches and with hyper-Christians, and how and why they have been disconnected, disenchanted, and disengaged from organized religion. Each had expressed a very pronounced spiritual faith (no atheism here), but there were plenty of agnostic, skeptical, and weary expressions. In front of a crowd of over 400 super-Lutherans (because only a super-Lutheran would attend a Synod Assembly), they made themselves vulnerable and opened themselves up to questions. Wow.
I heard many things from the panel—a desire for relationships over dogma; a preference for authenticity rather than piety or hypocrisy. These I expected to hear. But there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for:
They simply want to be heard.
And sadly, we aren’t listening.
This became apparent to me during the portion of the presentation when questions were taken from the audience. Let me preface by saying truly I believe those who went to the microphone to ask or commend the panel were well meaning and genuine. That said, it was apparent we missed the point.
One questioner asked the panel blatantly how we, the church, could better market to them.
One questioner asked how the panel would respond when presented with the ‘Why not Jesus’ question.
One questioner said one panelist proceeded to quote from a previous Sunday sermon.
These are mostly valid questions. But the problem is—we didn’t listen to the panel. Their anxiety about church and God and Jesus and faith was at best justified, and at worst fueled, by the question and answer period. We stopped listening to them and tried to solve ‘their problem’ (they need Jesus), and ‘our problem’ (it’s about marketing), etc.
It would have been so powerful and meaningful if no one approached that microphone, and instead just listened.
One panelist shared that he appreciated a conversation he had with an area about his religious questions, and was impressed that all the pastor did was listen, accept, and not judge his opinions and experience. Exactly! That is the grace we ought to extend to those like the brave panel.
Of course, the church has much to discuss within our community about how we extend hospitality and make our communities safe places for those who are weary of institutional religion, of how we can relieve their anxiety and bring them into one of the most amazing places of love, acceptance, forgiveness, and hope.
Our best marketing strategy should be simple: listen.